Saturday, May 15, 2010

thoughts on friendship 3

Imagine being friends with the President of the United States. Now imagine that he’s given you something important to do, something that he doesn’t want done by paid state functionaries, but by a trusted friend. How would you respond?

Jesus said that he calls us “no longer servants, but friends.” And he’s the King of the universe. Now he has some very important things for us to get done. Not that he’s abandoned us: “I am with you even until the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20) Being present is a mark of a good friend.

thoughts on friendship 2

I was on a jury last week and after we finished deliberating on the case we were actually a little sad that we wouldn’t be spending more time together. We’d only known each other for a week, but we’d learned a lot about each other (listening to each other questioned in the jury selection process). Still, it had to do with more than knowing about each other. Somehow the mix of people was right: some were quiet, some were outgoing, some knew how to crack a joke at the right moment, some kept us resolutely on track. We respected each person’s contribution and worked together (through several disagreements) to achieve our common goal.

Sometimes we gain friends through circumstances, rather than our own intentions. This isn’t to say that such people aren’t friends. But something good can be gained. In a sense, that’s what the body of Christ is like. We don’t choose who is in the body of Christ, just as we don’t choose our parents or siblings. God places the members in the body as he chooses. But by being together over time, we can learn about each other and then learn to respect and even enjoy each other. And we can get some very good things done.

thoughts on friendship 1

This past week President Obama announced his selection of a nominee for the Supreme Court. In the fourth sentence of the AP news report I read, it said that Pres. Obama referred to Solicitor General Kagan as “my friend.”

Did Pres. Obama need to nominate a “friend”? What sort of friends are they? Did he friend her on Facebook? OK, that sounds pretty ridiculous, but on the other hand have they had deep heart-to-heart talks so that they have a connection of like-mindedness, support and loyalty?

I don’t know how he was using the term in this case, but I’m guessing that even the President of the United States needs friends in the same way that I need friends. Case in point: he has guys that he plays basketball with. And that’s comforting to me. I need to have people that I trust and with whom I’ve shared some of my life to give me truthful critique and caring support, or the weight of my responsibilities as a husband, a father, and a church leader will literally depress me. I doubt if Pres. Obama can share state secrets with his basketball buddies, but I’m sure they help keep him balanced. In fact he may have shared a different kind of “state secret” with them.

What are my “state secrets”, i.e., the secrets about the state of my soul? With whom do I share my state secrets? If I’m to stay internally balanced I need friends who know my state secrets. Those aren’t the sorts of things I’m going to share on Facebook. Those are the things that I’ll share with someone I’ve known for a while, with whom I’ve cultivated a friendship over time so that when the occasion comes s/he can be there for me. S/he will give me insight into the state of my soul, and pray for me and support me as the Holy Spirit does his transforming work (which is often painful).

I’m not great at developing and maintaining friendships. I guess I have a kind of ADHD about relationships. Somehow I let work and other things distract me. But I’m learning that if I don’t entrust my state secrets to friends, the state of my soul is in jeopardy.