Dear Dad,
I miss your warm smile. I miss the way you enjoyed small things. You could spot a blessing that the rest of us missed because we were too jaded by big or expensive or new. I miss how you sometimes laughed so hard you could hardly talk to tell us what was so funny. You knew that the best things in life are free. So if something cost too much it became suspect. Cheap and simple equaled good.
I wish I had talked to you more about your memories. You were full of wisdom that came from walking closely with God for many years. It was a wisdom that was hard-won, born of both devotion and conflict. The Bible was always your compass. I wish I had asked more and listened more.
I am just starting to appreciate how deeply you loved God. Everything you did was infused with God and love for God. He was the air you breathed. And when you could barely breathe he inhaled you into himself. And now you are part of the air that I breathe.
Your loving son, Steve
Hear, my son, and accept my sayings
And the years of your life will be many.
I have directed you in the way of wisdom;
I have led you in upright paths.
Prov 4:10-11
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
art appreciation
We have framed prints in our house that we put up because we liked them and they were painted or photographed by geniuses: Monet, Ansel Adams, Miro. But they've become decoration. We walk by them every day, but the reasons that we put them up have been forgotten.
When someone close to you dies it's like a chance to stop and look at a masterpiece again and really appreciate it. I've known my Dad all my life. I'm familiar with so many of his idiosyncrasies. But I'm seeing him in a new way now and it's changing the way that I want to live my life.
I've always known that he was focused on loving Jesus and sharing the Gospel. But now I'm seeing how these two things gave purpose to his life and changed his approach to everything. I might be focused on enjoying a restaurant's food while he would be looking for a way to talk about Jesus with the wait staff. Now that I have this time to ponder his life, I see the many people that were brought into God's Kingdom through him and the satisfaction this gave him, and I'm beginning to see the overall design and appreciate the genius of his life.
When someone close to you dies it's like a chance to stop and look at a masterpiece again and really appreciate it. I've known my Dad all my life. I'm familiar with so many of his idiosyncrasies. But I'm seeing him in a new way now and it's changing the way that I want to live my life.
I've always known that he was focused on loving Jesus and sharing the Gospel. But now I'm seeing how these two things gave purpose to his life and changed his approach to everything. I might be focused on enjoying a restaurant's food while he would be looking for a way to talk about Jesus with the wait staff. Now that I have this time to ponder his life, I see the many people that were brought into God's Kingdom through him and the satisfaction this gave him, and I'm beginning to see the overall design and appreciate the genius of his life.
Friday, August 3, 2012
work and reflect
My Dad died a week ago. A good friend asked me recently how I was experiencing God's presence in this. I replied by saying that I was balancing work to be done with time to reflect. The work makes me feel productive and keeps me from being too melancholy, but work can also keep me from engaging in and understanding the true significance of this event. So I'm taking a break from the work to write this reflection and explore more God's presence in the situation.
My Dad's heart can be summed up in two things: loving Jesus and loving to share the Gospel. More than ever I am learning to appreciate these two passions that were at the core of his being. I'm busy making arrangements for all kinds of things, but when I stop to think about why I'm doing these things, I realize that it has to all be related to loving Jesus and sharing the Gospel.
So I mourn, but not as someone without hope. I know that I'll see my Dad again and that one day we'll have new bodies and maybe enjoy playing tennis together again. But more importantly, we'll be in the direct presence of the One who loves us most, living in a world redeemed and transformed by the grace and power expressed in our Lord's life, death and resurrection.
And so I work, as someone who looks forward to participating in that redeemed and transformed world and as someone who is learning to love others into that world. I have a long way to go before I learn to love God and others as well as my Dad did while he was here. It's a good reason to keep working and reflecting.
(You can read about my Dad at forevermissed.com/gary-wong.)
My Dad's heart can be summed up in two things: loving Jesus and loving to share the Gospel. More than ever I am learning to appreciate these two passions that were at the core of his being. I'm busy making arrangements for all kinds of things, but when I stop to think about why I'm doing these things, I realize that it has to all be related to loving Jesus and sharing the Gospel.
So I mourn, but not as someone without hope. I know that I'll see my Dad again and that one day we'll have new bodies and maybe enjoy playing tennis together again. But more importantly, we'll be in the direct presence of the One who loves us most, living in a world redeemed and transformed by the grace and power expressed in our Lord's life, death and resurrection.
And so I work, as someone who looks forward to participating in that redeemed and transformed world and as someone who is learning to love others into that world. I have a long way to go before I learn to love God and others as well as my Dad did while he was here. It's a good reason to keep working and reflecting.
(You can read about my Dad at forevermissed.com/gary-wong.)
Friday, September 9, 2011
self-inflicted wounds
I saw a t-shirt today for a construction company that said, “If you’re not bleeding you’re not working.”
A lot of us are bleeding. We’re wounded by past experiences and hurts from others. Why would we want to add self-inflicted wounds to the injuries from which we need healing?
We assume that God wants us to be productive and that the only way to know how productive we are is for us to feel some pain. So if someone seems too relaxed (including ourselves) we wonder if they’re working hard enough. We look for evidence of commitment to God that includes an overloaded calendar and a vaguely harried manner. If I lash out at someone in anger, I feel justified when I think, “If s/he only knew how much pressure I’m under.”
And then I read Isaiah 30:15: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength”. The Martha in me protests, but God has a rebuttal, “but you would have none of it.” Yeah, he's talking to me.
Can God really get his work done while I am resting in him? Do I have time to respond to Jesus’ call, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28)? Someone once said to me that God has given me all the time I need to do what he is calling me to do. The problem is that I keep adding other stuff to my calendar. What I really need to do is stop and talk to God and discern what he really wants me to do.
This isn’t to say that there isn’t a cross for me to bear, that I am to share in the sufferings of Jesus. But there’s a difference between wounds that come from taking up the cross and self-inflicted wounds from carrying too heavy a calendar.
A lot of us are bleeding. We’re wounded by past experiences and hurts from others. Why would we want to add self-inflicted wounds to the injuries from which we need healing?
We assume that God wants us to be productive and that the only way to know how productive we are is for us to feel some pain. So if someone seems too relaxed (including ourselves) we wonder if they’re working hard enough. We look for evidence of commitment to God that includes an overloaded calendar and a vaguely harried manner. If I lash out at someone in anger, I feel justified when I think, “If s/he only knew how much pressure I’m under.”
And then I read Isaiah 30:15: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength”. The Martha in me protests, but God has a rebuttal, “but you would have none of it.” Yeah, he's talking to me.
Can God really get his work done while I am resting in him? Do I have time to respond to Jesus’ call, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28)? Someone once said to me that God has given me all the time I need to do what he is calling me to do. The problem is that I keep adding other stuff to my calendar. What I really need to do is stop and talk to God and discern what he really wants me to do.
This isn’t to say that there isn’t a cross for me to bear, that I am to share in the sufferings of Jesus. But there’s a difference between wounds that come from taking up the cross and self-inflicted wounds from carrying too heavy a calendar.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
covenant v contract
What’s the difference between a covenant and a contract? In Ruth 4 Boaz makes an agreement between himself and the first in line as kinsman-redeemer. You don’t have to know what a “kinsman-redeemer” is, just notice that Boaz calls the elders of the city together to act as witnesses and pass judgment over the agreement.
In the days before the printing press (or desktop publishing) agreements were made based on a person’s word, which really means it was based on his character (women weren’t usually allowed to make covenants). The witness to that person’s character were the elders of the town. They weren’t legal experts, they were people who knew that person’s life and how he conducted himself and what his reputation was.
These days, we make agreements called contracts and if you pay a lawyer enough s/he will find a way to get you out of the agreement. That’s because the agreement is only as good as its wording. The people who make sure the wording is secure are lawyers and the people who judge if the claims about the wording are valid are judges. The character of the people entering the agreement is mostly irrelevant, as is the character of the people who wrote up the agreement.
Throughout the Bible God’s intentions toward us are expressed in covenants: with Adam, with Abraham, with David, etc. God isn’t trying to wiggle out of his expressed agreements. Instead, he backs up his intentions toward us with his character. And he calls as witnesses the multitudes of people who have found him to be faithful.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. (Hebrews 12:1)
In the days before the printing press (or desktop publishing) agreements were made based on a person’s word, which really means it was based on his character (women weren’t usually allowed to make covenants). The witness to that person’s character were the elders of the town. They weren’t legal experts, they were people who knew that person’s life and how he conducted himself and what his reputation was.
These days, we make agreements called contracts and if you pay a lawyer enough s/he will find a way to get you out of the agreement. That’s because the agreement is only as good as its wording. The people who make sure the wording is secure are lawyers and the people who judge if the claims about the wording are valid are judges. The character of the people entering the agreement is mostly irrelevant, as is the character of the people who wrote up the agreement.
Throughout the Bible God’s intentions toward us are expressed in covenants: with Adam, with Abraham, with David, etc. God isn’t trying to wiggle out of his expressed agreements. Instead, he backs up his intentions toward us with his character. And he calls as witnesses the multitudes of people who have found him to be faithful.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. (Hebrews 12:1)
Sunday, July 31, 2011
caring
When did Jesus feed the 5000? According to Matthew 14, Jesus had just heard the news that John the Baptist had been killed. Matthew doesn’t mention Jesus’ emotions, but I’m sure he was grieving. Matthew does say that Jesus withdrew to be by himself for a while. But the crowds found out where he was and came to him. And Jesus was moved with another emotion, compassion. He saw people loved by God, whose dignity and joy was marred by disease and emotional pain. So Matthew tells us that Jesus healed their sick.
The beginning of Eugene Peterson’s memoir “The Pastor” is about the development of his “pastoral imagination.” What is he imagining? He is learning to see people as God sees them. He is learning to envision their future as God does. His job as a pastor, then, is to help them get in touch with God’s love for them and help them cooperate with God’s work in them.
Jesus had an active pastoral imagination. After all, his divine nature was the one who had helped to lovingly create each person and had a vision and purpose for each one. So even though his human nature was grieving, Jesus took time to heal and feed people.
It’s also true that Jesus didn’t ignore his need to grieve and to be alone. I suppose his time away from the crowds didn’t last as long as he had thought it might. But he took that time nonetheless, as he often did (Mark 1:35, Luke 4:42). He knew that time alone with his Father was necessary for the renewing of his soul and his body.
Matthew 14 is a lesson to me in taking care of others as well as taking care of myself. Lord, help me to see people as you do, as those you have lovingly created. Help me to have the grace to participate in your loving work in them. And help me to be in touch with how much you love me and with what you are doing in me. Amen.
The beginning of Eugene Peterson’s memoir “The Pastor” is about the development of his “pastoral imagination.” What is he imagining? He is learning to see people as God sees them. He is learning to envision their future as God does. His job as a pastor, then, is to help them get in touch with God’s love for them and help them cooperate with God’s work in them.
Jesus had an active pastoral imagination. After all, his divine nature was the one who had helped to lovingly create each person and had a vision and purpose for each one. So even though his human nature was grieving, Jesus took time to heal and feed people.
It’s also true that Jesus didn’t ignore his need to grieve and to be alone. I suppose his time away from the crowds didn’t last as long as he had thought it might. But he took that time nonetheless, as he often did (Mark 1:35, Luke 4:42). He knew that time alone with his Father was necessary for the renewing of his soul and his body.
Matthew 14 is a lesson to me in taking care of others as well as taking care of myself. Lord, help me to see people as you do, as those you have lovingly created. Help me to have the grace to participate in your loving work in them. And help me to be in touch with how much you love me and with what you are doing in me. Amen.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
making others miserable
Why was Martha upset at Mary in Luke 10? Martha was bothered by Mary’s not helping with the chores, but was even more incensed that Mary wasn’t participating in Martha’s sense of frantic busy-ness. Martha wanted Mary to feel the same way she felt. Nothing is so infuriating to an anxious person as a calm person. Misery loves company and wants to drag everyone into the same mire of turmoil.
It’s true that empathy can be healing. But the empathetic person can’t become enmeshed in the same dire perspective as the person who is to be helped or there will be no help. Martha was feeling that everything depended on her. She probably felt that she was even earning some kind of brownie points with God because she was taking Jesus’ presence in her home seriously. On the other hand, Mary was enjoying Jesus’ presence, a presence which made even the everyday surroundings and activities delightful. So Jesus recognized Martha’s feelings and preoccupations, but encouraged her to let go and know that the best things in life, loving and being loved, are truly free… and freeing.
It’s true that empathy can be healing. But the empathetic person can’t become enmeshed in the same dire perspective as the person who is to be helped or there will be no help. Martha was feeling that everything depended on her. She probably felt that she was even earning some kind of brownie points with God because she was taking Jesus’ presence in her home seriously. On the other hand, Mary was enjoying Jesus’ presence, a presence which made even the everyday surroundings and activities delightful. So Jesus recognized Martha’s feelings and preoccupations, but encouraged her to let go and know that the best things in life, loving and being loved, are truly free… and freeing.
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