I had a thought a while ago that I can remember wanting to write down, but I didn’t and now I can’t remember what triggered it. I just looked through my journal hoping for clues to remind me, but I can’t remember how long ago I had the thought. So here it is without any context.
I remember thinking that there is a lot of pain in the world. And I decided not to contribute to it. I remember searching in my mind for the right word, and thinking that what I wanted was to be a source of comfort and not a source of pain.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
questions
I led worship for Grace’s Sunday worship yesterday I began the worship with a responsive reading of Psalm 34:1-8 that I ended with a time of reflection on verse 8 (“Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him”): What are the things that are threatening me and how can I take refuge in God? Two of the songs I chose were “Blessed be your name” and “Father let me dedicate”. The songs are well-crafted and have deeply meaningful texts such as, “Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering” and “Not from sorrow, pain or care/ freedom dare I claim/ and whate’er the future brings/ glorify thy name”.
I spent the afternoon at a residence for people who are HIV positive. A few of us from Grace Community go there once a month to prepare dinner for them (the house doesn’t provide dinner on Sundays). They’re in varying states of health. I bring my guitar and spend the afternoon singing for them, praying for anyone who asks, and leading a Bible discussion if anyone’s interested.
I was pulling out my guitar and had been warming up and playing/singing bits of worship songs to myself. One of the residents who was confined to a wheelchair about a year ago had been sitting next to me and seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. But When I stopped he told me that he liked my spirit as I sang. So I started to sing especially for him. I was trying to think of songs to sing and the songs from the morning’s worship came to mind, including “Blessed be your name” and “Father let me dedicate”.
And as I sang, the songs started to take on a whole new level of meaning for me. Could I sing “Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering” if I were in a wheelchair with no hope of walking again? Do I really believe that, just like my friend with HIV, I have no right to freedom from sorrow, pain or care, and could I say that I would glorify God’s name no matter the future brings? Is that what it means to take refuge in him?
Can a child presume to choose
where or how to live?
Can a Father's love refuse
All the best to give?
I spent the afternoon at a residence for people who are HIV positive. A few of us from Grace Community go there once a month to prepare dinner for them (the house doesn’t provide dinner on Sundays). They’re in varying states of health. I bring my guitar and spend the afternoon singing for them, praying for anyone who asks, and leading a Bible discussion if anyone’s interested.
I was pulling out my guitar and had been warming up and playing/singing bits of worship songs to myself. One of the residents who was confined to a wheelchair about a year ago had been sitting next to me and seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. But When I stopped he told me that he liked my spirit as I sang. So I started to sing especially for him. I was trying to think of songs to sing and the songs from the morning’s worship came to mind, including “Blessed be your name” and “Father let me dedicate”.
And as I sang, the songs started to take on a whole new level of meaning for me. Could I sing “Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering” if I were in a wheelchair with no hope of walking again? Do I really believe that, just like my friend with HIV, I have no right to freedom from sorrow, pain or care, and could I say that I would glorify God’s name no matter the future brings? Is that what it means to take refuge in him?
Can a child presume to choose
where or how to live?
Can a Father's love refuse
All the best to give?
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
bomb shelter
On Monday another high school student committed suicide on the train tracks in Palo Alto. This is the fourth suicide in 6 months. One of my friends is on a county commission that reviews all of the deaths of people under the age of 18. He told a group of us (mostly pastors) at a meeting today that the usual explanation of academic pressure isn’t the primary culprit in these suicides.
Another in the group who is a psychotherapist described the mental calculus of someone who’s suicidal. The situation the person is experiencing becomes so painful, death becomes a logical way out. Another contributing factor is isolation: there’s no one to provide a reality check. And it’s scary how inept our contemporary society is at providing us with skills for nurturing relationships. We teach people how to make a living, but not how to make a life.
This was highlighted by one of our group who is an Armenian pastor from Lebanon. He was surprised at how isolated we are in America. He told us that during the nearly 20 years of civil war in Lebanon bombings were a regular occurrence. People would immediately seek shelter in whatever basement was available. As a pastor, he would often invite people to kneel together, hold hands and pray. The group would contain people who were Muslim and Christian and non-religious, but in that basement it didn’t matter who you said you were on the outside. No one refused to kneel or hold hands, no one took sides, everyone was concerned about the same thing: survival.
For someone in isolation, inner turmoil can become an overwhelming source of pain. But when that pain is experienced together, when you’re able to hold hands with someone, when you’re able to voice aloud your concerns in prayer, there is healing and hope. It doesn’t make the danger of the situation go away, but it gives you the empowering to you need to face the terror.
It occurred to me that that’s what it means to be in a growth group. All of us are under attack from the daily pressures of life and forces beyond our control. There is a war raging that is threatening my very soul. Where do i go for safety? Where do i go to drop my facade, where i can simply hold hands and pray and make it through to another day? Where is my bomb shelter?
Let us not give up meeting together… but let us encourage one another. Hebrews 10:25
Another in the group who is a psychotherapist described the mental calculus of someone who’s suicidal. The situation the person is experiencing becomes so painful, death becomes a logical way out. Another contributing factor is isolation: there’s no one to provide a reality check. And it’s scary how inept our contemporary society is at providing us with skills for nurturing relationships. We teach people how to make a living, but not how to make a life.
This was highlighted by one of our group who is an Armenian pastor from Lebanon. He was surprised at how isolated we are in America. He told us that during the nearly 20 years of civil war in Lebanon bombings were a regular occurrence. People would immediately seek shelter in whatever basement was available. As a pastor, he would often invite people to kneel together, hold hands and pray. The group would contain people who were Muslim and Christian and non-religious, but in that basement it didn’t matter who you said you were on the outside. No one refused to kneel or hold hands, no one took sides, everyone was concerned about the same thing: survival.
For someone in isolation, inner turmoil can become an overwhelming source of pain. But when that pain is experienced together, when you’re able to hold hands with someone, when you’re able to voice aloud your concerns in prayer, there is healing and hope. It doesn’t make the danger of the situation go away, but it gives you the empowering to you need to face the terror.
It occurred to me that that’s what it means to be in a growth group. All of us are under attack from the daily pressures of life and forces beyond our control. There is a war raging that is threatening my very soul. Where do i go for safety? Where do i go to drop my facade, where i can simply hold hands and pray and make it through to another day? Where is my bomb shelter?
Let us not give up meeting together… but let us encourage one another. Hebrews 10:25
Monday, October 12, 2009
loving more
I went to a wedding on Saturday and the couple made a promise in their vows to “love you more each day.” It occurred to me that that’s a dangerous promise, especially if you don’t know what you’re promising. What does it mean to love someone? How do you increase that love every day? Maybe I was in a curmudgeonly mood, but the phrase struck me as an insincere or at least an empty promise, a bit too “happily ever after.”
Most of us equate “love” in marriage (or at weddings) with a feeling of warmness and desire toward someone. But we also assume that our feelings are a response to our environment. We don’t have much control over our environment (like when our spouse leaves their clothes on the floor or the cap off the toothpaste again), so even if we’re really good at controlling our response to our environment (which is something I know I struggle with) the environment is still a variable that will probably keep us from finding our fairy tale ending.
But don’t think that I’m completely unromantic. I think that it’s possible to love someone more each day, just not merely in the sense of an increasing feeling of romantic attraction. Here’s what I mean. Service is love in action. And the more I focus on serving others, the more affection I’ll feel for them. It happens on sports teams and in wartime (see “Band of Brothers”). And it can happen in a marriage, where it’ll be expressed as being more and more “in love”. Remember that the next time you see an elderly married couple holding hands and making eyes at each other. (See, I do have some romance left in me.)
The bottom line is that instead of focusing on my feelings toward someone, I need to focus on my attitude and actions toward them. And that will indirectly affect my feelings, too. Jesus spent his life focused on others, starting with his Father and then expressing that in love toward the world. At the end of his life he even washed his disciples’ feet, an act of servanthood that shocked the disciples, and then told them to love each other as he had loved them (John 13). Jesus has shown me how to love others more each day. May he grant me the grace to follow his example.
Most of us equate “love” in marriage (or at weddings) with a feeling of warmness and desire toward someone. But we also assume that our feelings are a response to our environment. We don’t have much control over our environment (like when our spouse leaves their clothes on the floor or the cap off the toothpaste again), so even if we’re really good at controlling our response to our environment (which is something I know I struggle with) the environment is still a variable that will probably keep us from finding our fairy tale ending.
But don’t think that I’m completely unromantic. I think that it’s possible to love someone more each day, just not merely in the sense of an increasing feeling of romantic attraction. Here’s what I mean. Service is love in action. And the more I focus on serving others, the more affection I’ll feel for them. It happens on sports teams and in wartime (see “Band of Brothers”). And it can happen in a marriage, where it’ll be expressed as being more and more “in love”. Remember that the next time you see an elderly married couple holding hands and making eyes at each other. (See, I do have some romance left in me.)
The bottom line is that instead of focusing on my feelings toward someone, I need to focus on my attitude and actions toward them. And that will indirectly affect my feelings, too. Jesus spent his life focused on others, starting with his Father and then expressing that in love toward the world. At the end of his life he even washed his disciples’ feet, an act of servanthood that shocked the disciples, and then told them to love each other as he had loved them (John 13). Jesus has shown me how to love others more each day. May he grant me the grace to follow his example.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
shine
I blew my cover yesterday. I was talking to my 7 year old’s soccer coach. He’s a great coach and all the parents want him coaching their kid. He’s fun, even-tempered, a good athlete who knows the game and passes on that love of the game through his love of the kids. He asked me what church I went to and then started sharing about his own church experiences. They happened to be in churches that I knew and when he started talking about pastors I had to let him know that I was a pastor and I knew some of the people he was talking about. I didn’t want him to say something he might regret later because he didn’t know that I knew the pastors he was talking about.
But in a way it was really the coach who blew his cover. I didn’t know that he was a Christian until he asked me about church and found out I was a Christian and then started talking about Christian stuff with me. He doesn’t usually preach through his words. He just loves on the kids and everyone loves him as a coach and so if he says something about God it’s easy to hear. You know it’s real. And he lives it in other ways, too, like he and his wife adopting several kids, some of whom are of a different race.
Last Sunday the Raiders lost badly (yes, I’m still a Raiders fan: I actually wore my Raiders polo shirt today). They seem to be getting worse with each game (it’s going to be a long season). One of their players made the news because he was penalized for dropping to his knees and raising his hands to heaven after making an interception (it’s illegal to drop to both knees: excessive celebration). He’s a Christian and said he was thanking God (although one blogger wrote that he seemed to be calling more attention to himself than to God) and complained that he was being penalized for doing something Christian.
I don’t know anything about the football player’s faith. He may be a very sincere Christian who just didn’t realize that his gesture of prayer was against the rules. But I wish that he had just paid the fine and not said anything about the league being anti-Christian. Instead of being tagged as a complainer, I’d rather be like the soccer coach who is quietly living out his faith by having a positive impact on kids and their families. “Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16)
But in a way it was really the coach who blew his cover. I didn’t know that he was a Christian until he asked me about church and found out I was a Christian and then started talking about Christian stuff with me. He doesn’t usually preach through his words. He just loves on the kids and everyone loves him as a coach and so if he says something about God it’s easy to hear. You know it’s real. And he lives it in other ways, too, like he and his wife adopting several kids, some of whom are of a different race.
Last Sunday the Raiders lost badly (yes, I’m still a Raiders fan: I actually wore my Raiders polo shirt today). They seem to be getting worse with each game (it’s going to be a long season). One of their players made the news because he was penalized for dropping to his knees and raising his hands to heaven after making an interception (it’s illegal to drop to both knees: excessive celebration). He’s a Christian and said he was thanking God (although one blogger wrote that he seemed to be calling more attention to himself than to God) and complained that he was being penalized for doing something Christian.
I don’t know anything about the football player’s faith. He may be a very sincere Christian who just didn’t realize that his gesture of prayer was against the rules. But I wish that he had just paid the fine and not said anything about the league being anti-Christian. Instead of being tagged as a complainer, I’d rather be like the soccer coach who is quietly living out his faith by having a positive impact on kids and their families. “Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16)
Monday, October 5, 2009
God's presence
As part of my devotional life I spend a few minutes in centering prayer and then in a time of examen, assessing the last 24 hours and asking where God has most been present or absent.
I meet for prayer with a couple of pastor friends and I mentioned that my time of examen was getting stale, that it didn’t seem like I was getting any better at sensing God’s presence. Together we figured out why: I was focused too much on my feelings rather than on God’s activity. I thought that if I felt good then God must be present (“in Your presence is fullness of joy” – Psalm 16:11) and if I didn’t feel good then God must be absent. But for a guy who’s in denial of his feelings most of the time (especially when I’m under stress) that’s not a good gauge.
So I’ve started to look for signs of God’s activity. And an interesting thing has happened. I’m starting to see that when I’m in a stressful situation I have a great opportunity to act in the power of God’s Spirit. I may not feel “joyful” about it, but through my resolve and boldness to follow God, He is invited into the situation and can act. Situations that I used to count as times of God’s absence are becoming opportunities for God to be powerfully present.
I’m not saying that “God helps those who help themselves”. That phrase isn’t from the Bible: it’s quoted in Poor Richard’s Almanac, edited by Benjamin Franklin. But I am saying that I’m learning that “I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13). Finding rest in Jesus (“Come to me… and I will give you rest” Matthew 11:28) doesn’t mean being passive. It means aligning myself with his purposes so that I find myself swimming easily in the current of his will.
I meet for prayer with a couple of pastor friends and I mentioned that my time of examen was getting stale, that it didn’t seem like I was getting any better at sensing God’s presence. Together we figured out why: I was focused too much on my feelings rather than on God’s activity. I thought that if I felt good then God must be present (“in Your presence is fullness of joy” – Psalm 16:11) and if I didn’t feel good then God must be absent. But for a guy who’s in denial of his feelings most of the time (especially when I’m under stress) that’s not a good gauge.
So I’ve started to look for signs of God’s activity. And an interesting thing has happened. I’m starting to see that when I’m in a stressful situation I have a great opportunity to act in the power of God’s Spirit. I may not feel “joyful” about it, but through my resolve and boldness to follow God, He is invited into the situation and can act. Situations that I used to count as times of God’s absence are becoming opportunities for God to be powerfully present.
I’m not saying that “God helps those who help themselves”. That phrase isn’t from the Bible: it’s quoted in Poor Richard’s Almanac, edited by Benjamin Franklin. But I am saying that I’m learning that “I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13). Finding rest in Jesus (“Come to me… and I will give you rest” Matthew 11:28) doesn’t mean being passive. It means aligning myself with his purposes so that I find myself swimming easily in the current of his will.
mary and martha
I think both Martha and Mary had it wrong (see Luke 10). Mary was too inward, Martha was too busy. Mary had no reason for being in the world, she might as well have left for all the good she was doing. Martha’s efficiency was admirable, but she’d forgotten why she was doing what she’s doing. So why does Martha get Jesus’ gentle reprimand? I think it’s because God knows most of us are like Martha, not Mary. So he had Luke record Jesus' interaction with Martha.
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