look

Jeremiah 6:16a tells us,
This is what the Lord says:
“Stand at the crossroads and look;
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
and you will find rest for your souls.

What does it mean to look at something?

To look at any thing,
If you would know that thing,
You must look at it long:
To look at this green and say,
“I have seen spring in these
Woods,” will not do – you must
Be the thing you see:
You must be the dark snakes of
Stems and ferny plumes of leaves,
You must enter in
To the small silences between
The leaves,
You must take your time
And touch the very peace
They issue from.
http://armedwithvisions.com/2011/11/30/john-moffitt-to-look-at-anything/

When we take the time to truly look, then we will likely be startled or awestruck. Why? Because then we will be able to see what God is doing. God is always active (John 5:17 “My Father is always at his work”), he is always going about the work of redemption, of re-creating the world. This is the dimension beyond the world that we live in, the dimension that we can see if, for a few moments, we can quit being preoccupied with our own busy-ness and notice God’s activity.

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:19)

fan v nerd v hipster

I recently came across a definition of the difference between a nerd and a hipster that goes something like this: a nerd is someone who loves something and wants everyone else to love it (whether or not the other person has shown any interest in it whatsoever) while a hipster is someone who loves something and then decides that only s/he and a few good friends are allowed to like it and resents everyone else who says they like it.

A few years ago the book "Not a fan" came out. I don't exactly remember the definition of a fan from that book, but I suppose I could contrast fan to nerd to hipster. And then I could apply all of this to being a Christ follower. And so the question is: am I a fan of Jesus, or a nerd for Jesus, or a hipster for Jesus?

The negative vibe of "Not a fan" automatically excludes "fan of Jesus" as a viable response for anyone who says that they take being a Christian seriously. But there are problems with both being a nerd or a hipster for Jesus. Hipster is obviously a cooler reference. But it's exclusionary. And Jesus was not exclusionary. He went out of his way to seek out the marginalized and to challenge those who thought they were already "in" with God and others, people of both religious and social status. There's a big contrast between the depiction of heaven in popular culture and the word picture John draws in Rev 21. There's not just one pearly gate that's closed only to those who can get by St. Peter. As the hymn "For all the saints" says, "Through gates of pearl stream in the countless host." And there are 12 gates that are wide open to the countless hosts. As Jesus said, blessed are the poor in spirit.

And that's the problem with being a nerd. A nerd is someone who is socially awkward and unaccepted. The term brings back lots of forgettable memories of high school caste struggles. Nerd is the opposite of cool. Nerds are poor in spirit, people of low self-esteem. They are meek by definition. But Jesus said that the meek will inherit the earth and that the Kingdom of God belongs to the poor in spirit. And the fact that nerds love one thing so much reminds me of what Jesus said about the pure in heart. Kierkegaard wrote a book called “Purity of heart is to will one thing.” Nerds can see God.

Nerds love something enough to want others to love it too. Do I love Jesus and his kingdom enough to tell others the gospel, that the kingdom of God is at hand, repent and believe the good news? Am I willing to spread that good news even if it means that others think I'm not cool? Nerds become immersed in a different world and then want others to join them, including the fans and the hipsters. Because God loves fans and hipsters, too.

between

The seasons of the Christian year follow the life of Christ. So it's easy to focus on the birth, death and resurrection of Jesus. These are certainly highlights, but they lose their power if I fail to observe the daily journey of seasons of preparation such as Advent and Lent and Holy Week or the seasons of Easter or following Pentecost when there is daily living in the truths of the living presence of Christ and of the Holy Spirit. Christmas and Easter are the tip of the iceberg of Christian experience and fullness of life. Some Christians look down on those who only go to worship on Christmas and Easter. But Do I fully understand how my Christian life, i.e., the life of Christ within me, can't be fully formed unless I seek out the riches of life between the highlights? If I'm truthful with myself, I realize that the glare of those celebrations often keeps me from seeing the necessity of what's in between them.

The daily journey is given shape by the highlights, but one is not more important than the other. There are those who look down on celebration as being too extravagant. I suppose they are like the older brother who refuses to join the party the father is giving. But that's not me. I readily admit that celebrations are important. In God's presence is fullness of joy. On the other hand, living only for the big celebrations can cause me to overlook the daily mysteries God has for me. I'm reminded of Annie Dillard's description of the amazing depths that she found in small wonders during her time as a "Pilgrim at Tinker Creek". These are the graces that normally feed me and from which most of my growth is intended to come. I'll grow fat and unhealthy if I eat only banquet food.

The highlight events themselves become more deeply meaningful through my experience of the daily journey. I can better understand what it means for Jesus to be God Incarnate if I more fully experience my own incarnation, the intertwining of my body and spirit. My own suffering and triumphs help me realize how much more Jesus took on himself and how much greater his victory was on Easter. If I don't see Christmas and Good Friday and Easter through the lens of my daily journey, they become facades, a spiritual Disneyland of contrived worship experiences that cynics could easily dismiss and which well-meaning Christians may come to find empty after the decorations are put away.

Or putting away the decorations can be a way to continue my dialog with God. What is God saying to me through this activity? And then, what is God saying to me in the daily journey lived outside the glare of celebration? And eventually I come again to asking, what is God saying to me through the activity of preparation for celebration? God doesn't speak only in times of celebration. He is speaking all the time in his still, small voice, and his transforming power is at work in the daily journey, perhaps especially then. Today is Holy Saturday. It's a day between. But it's not a day without grace if I will take the effort to attend to God's work on this day, too.

praying for people

Someone disappointed me. I got sad, then angry, then frustrated. I rolled my eyes. I thought about what I wanted to say to that person.

Then God showed me how to pray for that person. He showed me that my feelings and thoughts were pinpointing areas of need in that person's life and character. Where did those needs come from? What kind of healing was needed? I started to pray that God would bless that person with the traits that were lacking, not because changing that person was my responsibility, but because it was part of God's purposes for that person. God loves that person, and his will for them is that they become "conformed to the image of Christ" (Rom 8:29). My feelings and thoughts were revealing what God is already doing in their life. And I can participate in it by praying for them. It's not that I shouldn't talk to them. But God was telling me that I shouldn't talk to that person about their shortcomings and/or needs until I had talked to God about that person first.

Talking to God about people this way helps me to love them. I'm changed from seeing them as people who hurt me, to people who need God's transforming power in their lives. Just like I do.

a prayer

What voices are telling me what I “ought” or “should” be?
Is it God or someone else?
I ask for the grace to trust
that God knows me best
and to pursue the opportunities he is presenting to me.

an invitation

Then the father said to him, “Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.” Luke 15:31-32

At the end of this familiar parable the father of the two sons extends an invitation to his older son to "celebrate and rejoice".

A lot of us who have been in the Church a long time are like the older son. We forget that God has "blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing" (Eph 1:3), i.e., that God has already told us, "All that is mine is yours." So we work hard out in the fields, trying to earn "even a goat". And we resent it when other people celebrate and rejoice, feasting on the fatted calf. "What did they do to deserve to be so happy? Why aren't they more like me, hard-working, stressed-out, miserable?"

Meanwhile, God is at work in our world. People are being saved. The angels are rejoicing. There are random acts of kindness, beautiful sunsets, joyful laughter, warm hugs and puppies. (Am I getting too precious? I should have stopped at laughter. But it's all true, really.) There's a party going on. If we would open our spiritual eyes we would see that there's so much to celebrate.

Not that there isn't work to do. But are we doing the right work? We are slaves to our calendars, constantly checking our email and texts to make sure we haven't missed something we were supposed to do. But who is determining what we are "supposed" to do?

And God doesn't call us to do all the work. He calls us alongside to work with him. He is the master, we are privileged to be his apprentices. Even Jesus said that he could only work where he saw his father already at work (John 5:19). Jesus' words remind me of a young son looking for his father, finding him in the workshop, and then being guided by the father to learn how to skillfully use a hammer or chisel or compound miter saw to make something beautiful and useful.

But we insist on doing it all ourselves, bitterly proud of our efforts, stubbornly staying out in the field, wondering why we aren't getting more rewards from God. The reward God really wants to give us is himself. (The rest is already ours.) He wants us to join him in the party, to celebrate the wonderful things he is doing. Will I accept the invitation?

good gifts

"If you being evil know how to good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him." Matthew 7:11

Jesus seems to be capitalizing on people's assumption that they know how to parent. No one will say that they are a bad parent, or if they admit it they will point to some perfectly reasonable explanation, meaning that they really do know how to parent but that there is some other conflicting compulsion.

But do I really know how to give good gifts to my children? First, regarding what is good: too often what I give to my children is far from good. My kids get my leftover time and affection after I've lavished my attentions on my favorite hobby or TV show. They get my worst self, tired and cranky after rough day at the office. Of course, these are the worst-case scenarios that all good parents try to avoid. We don't want our kids complaining about these things to their therapists later in life.

So I make a sincere effort to give them good things. But am I giving a gift... or a loan? A gift has no strings attached. A loan expects some form of repayment. I give my kids my time, helping them with their homework. I expect good grades in return. I try to get them involved in sports. I expect them to become well-rounded. I give them a nice house, a comfortable life. I expect them to be grateful. It's not that kids shouldn't learn to work hard and attain new skills or find things to enjoy and be grateful for. But these are lessons that are learned, not automatic repayment for my efforts. And they aren't always learned easily. The lessons usually require repetition. How do I know if I'm expecting a repayment? Just measure my resentment. The more resentful I am, the less joy I'm finding in repeating life lessons, the higher my expectations of repayment.

God doesn't expect anything in return. He hopes, but he doesn't demand. He is the father of the younger son in Luke 15 who releases a third of the family wealth and then waits by the road each day, longing for the son's return. When the son returns, the father doesn't scold or get angry. He rejoices. This is truly unconditional love, amazing grace.

posture

Mary sat at Jesus' feet.

First, this was a posture of listening. It was the posture of a disciple at the feet of the teacher. It's hard to talk from this position. The person in the chair is the one who can talk easily. If the person on the floor tries to speak, s/he will end up talking into the other person's leg. The mouth isn't in a good position to be active, but the ears are just below the teacher's mouth, well positioned to receive. Sitting at the feet of another is a posture of humble receptivity.

Second, it is impossible to hurry from this position. You can't do anything. It is a pretty nonproductive position. Martha was busy. She was being productive. Jesus told her that Mary had chosen what was better. Having been raised in a society that determines my worth by my productivity, everything in me protests. How could Mary have possibly chosen what was better? But Jesus wasn't saying that non-productivity was better than productivity. He was saying that being with him was better than being productive.

He who is in a hurry delays the work of God. St. Vincent de Paul
Cease striving and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

prayer retreat

We had a prayer retreat on Saturday. Winnie asked me who would be there. I told her God would. Then she said good-bye, have a good retreat. And I told her I've never had a bad prayer retreat.

I guess that's the difference between our usual notions of a retreat and a prayer retreat. In my church experience a "retreat" always meant a group gathering that required a lot of preparation and organization. There were a lot of moving parts, so there was a real concern about making sure all the parts worked together. And that invited comparison and critique. Some retreats were "better" than others.

But a prayer retreat is about me meeting with God in the company of others. God always shows up, probably because I'm going with the expectation of meeting him there, and he always gets there first. At other retreats the details can keep me from knowing why I'm there in the first place. I go hoping that the speaker will be powerful, the worship will be engaging, etc. If it all works together, then I may notice what God is saying to me. If any of those parts aren't working well, then I'm often disappointed, mostly because I'm distracted. God is actually there, I just wasn't able to pay attention.

"Conference junkies" are people who specialize in critiquing large group meetings. It's their spiritual gift. If they disapprove of something, it could ruin their whole weekend or week, whether or not God was there. Actually he was, they just missed it. He may even have been trying to speak to them through the botched detail that so consumed them.

"Be still and know that I am God."