good gifts

"If you being evil know how to good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him." Matthew 7:11

Jesus seems to be capitalizing on people's assumption that they know how to parent. No one will say that they are a bad parent, or if they admit it they will point to some perfectly reasonable explanation, meaning that they really do know how to parent but that there is some other conflicting compulsion.

But do I really know how to give good gifts to my children? First, regarding what is good: too often what I give to my children is far from good. My kids get my leftover time and affection after I've lavished my attentions on my favorite hobby or TV show. They get my worst self, tired and cranky after rough day at the office. Of course, these are the worst-case scenarios that all good parents try to avoid. We don't want our kids complaining about these things to their therapists later in life.

So I make a sincere effort to give them good things. But am I giving a gift... or a loan? A gift has no strings attached. A loan expects some form of repayment. I give my kids my time, helping them with their homework. I expect good grades in return. I try to get them involved in sports. I expect them to become well-rounded. I give them a nice house, a comfortable life. I expect them to be grateful. It's not that kids shouldn't learn to work hard and attain new skills or find things to enjoy and be grateful for. But these are lessons that are learned, not automatic repayment for my efforts. And they aren't always learned easily. The lessons usually require repetition. How do I know if I'm expecting a repayment? Just measure my resentment. The more resentful I am, the less joy I'm finding in repeating life lessons, the higher my expectations of repayment.

God doesn't expect anything in return. He hopes, but he doesn't demand. He is the father of the younger son in Luke 15 who releases a third of the family wealth and then waits by the road each day, longing for the son's return. When the son returns, the father doesn't scold or get angry. He rejoices. This is truly unconditional love, amazing grace.

posture

Mary sat at Jesus' feet.

First, this was a posture of listening. It was the posture of a disciple at the feet of the teacher. It's hard to talk from this position. The person in the chair is the one who can talk easily. If the person on the floor tries to speak, s/he will end up talking into the other person's leg. The mouth isn't in a good position to be active, but the ears are just below the teacher's mouth, well positioned to receive. Sitting at the feet of another is a posture of humble receptivity.

Second, it is impossible to hurry from this position. You can't do anything. It is a pretty nonproductive position. Martha was busy. She was being productive. Jesus told her that Mary had chosen what was better. Having been raised in a society that determines my worth by my productivity, everything in me protests. How could Mary have possibly chosen what was better? But Jesus wasn't saying that non-productivity was better than productivity. He was saying that being with him was better than being productive.

He who is in a hurry delays the work of God. St. Vincent de Paul
Cease striving and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10