When is a pastor not a pastor?

My men's GROWth group met last night. (GROW stands for God's Word, Relationships, Outreach, and Worship/prayer). We also met last Tuesday night and spent part of our meeting standing outside waiting to see if there would be any nasty aftershocks following the earthquake. Ah, the joys of living in California! But I digress.

We got out almost an hour late, mostly because as we were sharing prayer requests I realized that there was something I needed to share, something that revealed to me that I'm not the all-together person that I sometimes feel I am or need to be because I'm a pastor.

At first I didn't tell my prayer request, not because I was too embarrassed (although that thought occurred to me later), but because I was in denial when I first asked "Does anyone have any prayer requests?" and then said something that was true but not very self-disclosing after which others gave their prayer requests. But something (probably the Holy Spirit) inside me told me, "What about the thing that was bothering you so much earlier today?" So I said, "I have another prayer request." As I told the story, I realized that I was revealing how neurotic I was because something that day had triggered feelings that I had been trying to suppress for years, and my feelings and obsessing that day showed how unsuccessful my attempts at repression had been.

The guys offered perspective and prayer. Most importantly, they walked with me: their responses assured me that they had had similar experiences and they shared the lessons they had learned. It was good to not be the expert, the pastor.

I know that I'm still in the process of being formed in Jesus' image (Rom. 8:29). And God is using these guys to do that work.