systematic abandonment

A children's ministries pastor mentioned the term "systematic abandonment" at our recent conference's annual celebration (see pswc.org) in a forum on "Church for the next generation."

The term comes from Chap Clark's book "Hurt" based on his research on the world of today's youth. The phrase caught my attention, not just because it sounds erudite and has a lot of syllables, but because it seems to capture the world that my daughter, who recently turned 10, is entering. It appealed to my dad-ness to listen to what this youth worker was saying.

The phrase refers to kids' sense that they are being systematically abandoned by well-meaning parents: abandoned to experts who are teaching them everything from math to softball, all in the effort to give these kids the best possible preparation for the world. Ironically, the thing that the kids want most is their parents' attention and love.

This abandonment happens in the church, too. Parents think they're not very good at being good, so they enlist the help of Sunday School teachers and youth pastors. To twist a well-known phrase, 11:00 on Sunday morning is the one of the most segregated hours for families. Churches are like shopping malls, with classes, meetings, and groups targeted at every demographic group described by marketing experts. In fact, that's exactly how Sunday School, youth group, and small group curriculum is packaged and presented, using all the standard marketing techniques.

And that's how Grace Community is organized, too. When I heard the term "systematic abandonment" I realized that we've become conformed to marketing segmentation. The result is that families are being fragmented even as we give lip-service to the idea of healing families. Obviously, that's not how it's supposed to be. God's Church is supposed to be a counter-cultural agent of transformation in the prevailing culture.

My dream is for Grace Community to be a church community that brings families together. It's not going to be easy. Our minds are already predisposed to thinking in terms of segmentation. It's not enough to just re-think our children's ministries. We have to re-think EVERYTHING. And then comes the hard work of breaking the world's mold to which we've become conformed and then allowing God to re-shape us according to his design. It'll be a tough and grinding job, taking a lot of sacrifice and hard work. But it'll be worth it, for my family and for all our families and for us as a church community.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2